Breda, Utrecht and Maastricht have to share an article because they are small

Not that it’s possible to waste paper when writing online articles, but in the name of concise journalism it seems most apt to combine the delightful selection of three small Dutch towns into one.

Breda

I spent around 36 hours in Breda in total (with a day trip to Utrecht in the middle) in which time I saw a grand total of 8 people, half of whom were my friend’s housemates. It’s not like the town isn’t pretty; it is. It’s not depressing, or ugly, or dirty. It’s not even boring – it has bars and pubs and cafes and restaurants and squares and churches and parks. It’s just that in the whole time I was there, I literally couldn’t think of a single angle from which to write about Breda. This town is officially the most un-notably ok place I have ever been.

Utrecht

Utrecht is a mini-Amsterdam student city with a ratio of 5 females to every 1 male, so of course I had a terrible time. Curving canals, bustling markets and an absolutely huge cathedral with the imposing bell tower located across a small courtyard from the rest of the building, giving a strange impression that there used to be another room connecting them that has simply disappeared.

Maastricht

Down at the bottom of Holland in a small slither of an area, sandwiched between Belgium and Germany like a strip of Gouda between a waffle and a bratwurst, is Maastricht. I had to get an overpriced train there from Breda, so I just took my friends any-destination day ticket she had used the previous day (worth 20 euros, and the tickets are electronic so the conductor scans them with some machine instead of there being barriers at the stations). I sat and hoped there wouldn’t be a conductor. Three minutes into the journey, the conductor came. This is the conversation:

Conductor: This ticket was used yesterday.
Me: Ummm…No it wasn’t…
Conductor: I’ve just scanned it and it says you used it yesterday.
Me: Nope, that didn’t happen. I didn’t go anywhere yesterday.
Conductor: Yes you did, it says on my machine that you went to Eindhoven.
Me: No, your machine must be broken. I didn’t do that.
Conductor: Yes you did.
Me: No I didn’t. I don’t even know what an Eindhoven is.
Conductor: But the ticket history says…
Me: Yes, you said. But my life history says that yesterday I didn’t go to Eindhoven, and therefore nor did my ticket.
Conductor: Because I am Dutch, my social skills aren’t good enough to win this argument. Enjoy your journey.

This is once again a student town (is every town in Holland a student town? The answer is unabashedly yes.) with beautiful old walls and a river running around the perimeter. It is the oldest town in the country, full of interesting architecture, cobbled streets and around twenty churches that are all now defunct. One is actually a very spectacular book shop that sells everything but the Bible.

Bonus stop

Enroute from Breda to Utrecht, we stopped off for an hour to eat these giant chocolate spheres that were filled with cream that gave me the sugar sweats. The place was called ‘s-hertogenbosch.

Yep. They even have a place that starts with an apostrophe.